I have been DIAGNOSED w/ a DISEASE- please please please... Pray for Me!
Friends, I write to you... from a place of great discomfort, depths of weakness, a state of vulnerability, all immersed in a sea full of salt-filled tears and a deadly combination of anguish and sorrow.
My eyes lay heavy... as tears free fall past my cheek...
It is easy for me to sit here and question Why me? Why me? Why not them?
But the real question is... Why not me? Why not me? Why not? For I am no different than them!
You see, for quite some time, I've neglected and ignored the speech my body put forward. Every throb of mental anguish, and every tense moment neglected. Questions... have been drag-racing through my brain along the streets of self-doubt as well as the highways and byways of worry. But, as fate would have it, I kept on driving, missing every turnaround opportunity, every pit stop to safety and security that came my way. I simply had no care in the world to stop... like a midnight trucker late for a delivery, I kept driving. With the windows down, no seat belt, music blaring and my hair flowing in the winds without a care in the world, sign after sign, I ignored them all; until the fumes became apparent, the engine light to my health and sanity was blinking and now my mind was in a midnight-black, cloud of disarray...the time had come to face the music for I was lost... and then... BOOM! Things "Geaux" black. I've totaled myself.
Friend, to me...TRUTH equals LOVE. The truth is love and in that lay Freedom. In all her beauty and honor she sits there like a proud and loving mother. Surrounding yourself with people who constantly tell you what you want to hear isn't helping you...it's not! I for one, am not a "Yes Man." So, in sharing my story with you I hope to accomplish a few things. 1) I want you to understand that sharing these words is out of complete and utter Love, Truth & Compassion. 2) My hope for you is that perhaps a word, phrase or visual, will help save your life in some way! 3) May you share something "Of Good Cheer" with someone you know or even someone you don't. 4) May these words not only challenge you, but encourage you to live a life without fear and FULL of Fearlessness and ultimately help you understand a great deal more about the value of your Self-worth!
My Condition
I suffer from what I call, (OCD) wait...wait...wait...not what you're thinking of, yet its a rare condition better known as "Obsession Comparison Disorder." I'm sure you've never been exposed to this.
If I look back at my life, for years I have been like this and most of the time "Didn't Even Know It!" I believe it started when I was at the age of 2 years old, wanting whatever building blocks my peers had (the ones different from mine of course). From there it escalated to snack time in day care; I was constantly refusing to share animal crackers or PB & J sandwiches while stealing the Oreos and gummy worms from the kids I didn't like or felt inferior to.
In high school, it took on a more serious and chronic phase as what we know as the social norms became the catalyst for my disease. Things like "being liked," popularity and having the coolest clothes became the new obsession. Funny thing is, the older I get...it seems as though I don't, can't and won't rid myself of this plague. And my my my... My God! This disease that has been tormenting me since the "Terrible 2's" has been everything Terrible and nothing Terrific. Within the last 6-8 years its mutated and multiplied!
During my time as a student-athlete at LSU may have been the toughest moments of my sickness. I mean life was tough. I was a nobody (at least in my mind) and I was being thrust into a world I didn't quite understand...filled with drugs, sex, little to no money except what was wired from the parentals here and there but what there was an abundance of was...well...freedom! I went from living a life built on complete structure to having to build a life of complete structure! Are you serious?
Broke, hungry, lost with no friends... yet, there was one thing inside me that kept this plague from eating my flesh and that was my "ambition!" Without my ambition to make the team...I would've fallen to the wayside. However, even though football was my safe haven, it was also a deadly temptation. I seen my teammates go from dead broke to Millionaires. I seen zeros turned into "Hero." Oh, and the magic of the ole' pick-up truck my Grand Daddy used to drive turned into the new Big Body, Black-on-Black Escalade or a yellow and lime green lamborghini I know own. Perhaps it was TV. Or, lets blame it on the music. Pshhhh, how about I blame social media or maybe even the movies. But, why? Why even bother? The truth is, I was trying to by a one-way-ticket on the "Money Train, too!" Yet, they only accepted the Strongest, Fastest and More Talented Currency, while I'd only been given a dollar and a dream!
My worry is that perhaps you or someone you know may suffer from the same barrage of relentless attacks; same agonizing anguish, same manipulative self-doubt and chronic worry.
During my time as a student-athlete at LSU may have been the toughest moments of my sickness. I mean life was tough. I was a nobody (at least in my mind) and I was being thrust into a world I didn't quite understand...filled with drugs, sex, little to no money except what was wired from the parentals here and there but what there was an abundance of was...well...freedom! I went from living a life built on complete structure to having to build a life of complete structure! Are you serious?
Broke, hungry, lost with no friends... yet, there was one thing inside me that kept this plague from eating my flesh and that was my "ambition!" Without my ambition to make the team...I would've fallen to the wayside. However, even though football was my safe haven, it was also a deadly temptation. I seen my teammates go from dead broke to Millionaires. I seen zeros turned into "Hero." Oh, and the magic of the ole' pick-up truck my Grand Daddy used to drive turned into the new Big Body, Black-on-Black Escalade or a yellow and lime green lamborghini I know own. Perhaps it was TV. Or, lets blame it on the music. Pshhhh, how about I blame social media or maybe even the movies. But, why? Why even bother? The truth is, I was trying to by a one-way-ticket on the "Money Train, too!" Yet, they only accepted the Strongest, Fastest and More Talented Currency, while I'd only been given a dollar and a dream!
My worry is that perhaps you or someone you know may suffer from the same barrage of relentless attacks; same agonizing anguish, same manipulative self-doubt and chronic worry.
But yet again...I'm quite sure I am a rare case and you've been spared. Today, I have found myself consumed...consumed by not just wheather I am liked, but rather when I Share, Post, Click or Tweet that millions of you decide to simply CLICK "LIKE." I suffer from Obsessive Comparison Disorder (OCD).
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Mirror, mirror on Facebook, tell me how my life should look!Mirror, mirror on Instagram, tell me who I really am! |
"I feel as though I'm no longer pretty, no longer smart and no longer liked. Facebook says I have 2,147 friends and Instagram acknowledges I have 1,787 followers on my page but only 77 pressed "Like." I can't believe this! I feel ugly and unwanted. What am I to do? Is this just me or is it happening to you too?"
Symptoms: In case you were wondering if you suffer from Obsessive Comparison Disorder (OCD), look below to see if you can identify with any of the symptoms below?
- One might find it difficult to celebrate the successes of others.
- Do you find yourself always complaining? Leading with statements such as, "What about me?" or Why didn't I, or "But Me" or "But I."
- Perhaps you find it difficult to give compliments to others.
- Maybe you wish harm or misfortune unto others or simply someone else.
- Characteristics of Pride (makes you feel superior to others).
- Characteristics of Envy (makes you feel inferior to others).
- Characteristics of Comparison (The "ER" effect: ER... big-ER, cool-ER, smart-ER, fast-ER, nice-ER)
- Are you running to purchase whatever the "Jones'" (Trend Setters) have and you don't even know who the Jones' are?!!!
- Are you constantly finding one's self spending money in order to enter in the "Debt Retirement Program" aka buying plenty things you don't and won't need...compulsive shopping or spending.
- Your brain only operates on a "I WANT" basis, not I NEED basis.
- Note: These are only a few...Join in on the fun and add in your symptoms too!
- Oh yeah...this is a good one... how many selfies lay inside that device? You know, pictures of only you or you posing to live the so called "Good Life?" That thing may have you chained and slain like the picture back up top!
"I speak to you from my weakness..." -OG
Is this you?
Can you relate?
What is it that you are constantly chasing? Constantly yearning for? Obsessed with?
Is it him? or Is it her?
Is it a destination? A feeling? A drug or looks? A car? A house? Success? Money? Clothes? Status? Sex?
Whatever your OCD is... realize its eating away at you, your time, and your destiny day in and day out, "You" are losing your Self-worth and more importantly, losing touch with the Gift of Life God gave you! There is no one on this planet, nor that has ever lived that is "Just Like You!" You're unique. You're all that and the bag of chips! The good thing is, if you didn't know, perhaps I went through all this...simply to press "Post This!" So, sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy the show as you click below:
Great News!!! Watch this!
I am Second: Wayne Huizenga
www.iamsecond.com
Here is the Cure!
- Understand that comparison is the destroyer of your destiny! So, run your own race! Lets not be concerned with what we are not gifted in or what we don't have.
- Remember, OCD will kill your joy, steal your peace, and suffocate your sanity!
- OCD is a cancer to contentment!
- OCD will consistently cloud the clarity of the "Calling" that God has on your life. Because quite frankly, there is a major difference between a Career and a Calling!
- Career- What you are paid to do!
- Calling- What you are made to do! Guess what? God's given you everything you need within "You" to fulfill that mission!
- The mold was broken when God made you! You are wonderfully and uniquely made!
- Realize that "You Sir" or "Ma'am" are a #MASTERPIECE!!!
- Say it with me 3 Times, " I AM A MASTERPIECE..." (NOW... go find some velvet rope to drape yourself in while you walk around the office or on campus telling the world that you're a "MASTERPIECE!" lol
- The last one is simple...Stay in your lane...and... Run your own race!
It is time you LOVE YOURSELF! OR better yet, "LIKE" YOURSELF!
If and only if...
share it.
; )
Blog inspired by Trinity Church in Miami Gardens, FL and guest speaker Robert Madu
www.trinitychurch.tv
www.robertmadu.com
May God Bless You & Keep You!
www.orlandogunn.com
IG: ORLANDEAUX
TWITTER: @ORLANDOGUNN
