The whistling of the bitter Midwestern wind continues to press its chill in a pinching fashion upon the tips of my ears. Chapped Lips. Runny Nose. Watery Eyes. I'm no match for this Winter Wonder Land. Killing me is this winter chill as I'm clinching every muscle in my body in a last ditch effort to keep warm.
My winter armor consists of a winter coat laced with an undershirt, a thermal, and another jacket just under that. Yet the buttons on this invitingly soft, cool smoke-gray, wool winter fabric of a coat are still no match for the ruthless winter bite. Its so fierce that the my soul aches with a chill that only Love can warm.
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| I'm not cut-out for this! #LookAtMe |
You see... my mind and my heart are in disagreement; not sure if my soul aches due to the fierce winter chill or if its the fact that my heart no longer has warmth of its own. With love lost, trust issues and losing the battle of a long distance relationship... it continues to cry out, to bleed, to fear the very feelings that once gave it life. To fear feelings of joy, of happiness, of ecstasy and skipping of the beats. It fears the first kiss, the holding of hands, and the 50 First Dates.
The more I try to encourage it to give it another go, the more it becomes apparent that I'm just another lie; just another fake, flaky friend that wasn't there for during the time of need. Just another snake in the workplace. Just another blood-sucking, good for nothing selfish individual taking up vital space for a helping soul.
Every time I suggest that the next person, friendship or relationship will be different...its as if I suggesting that I didn't eat the last Cheetos when clearly the orange finger-tips are a DEAD Give-Away! #Lies
As I cross the icy bridge that connects Broadripple Village to the rest of town...I look out into the chilly, dark brown waters... in search of answers; in search of hope; in search of a sign that just might signify warmer days are coming. With eyes wide-shut, and a heart-wide open all I'm left to do is cast my prayers to the Lord. As the warmth from my insides escape into the atmosphere above... its as though I can see my prayers being cast up toward the clouds above.
In an effort to keep an open mind...I day dream about the moment we first meet; the moment I first lay eyes on you. Attracted by your SMILE :), captivated by your eyes and hypnotized by your beauty. The question that lingers is "Wonder what's just beyond what meets the eye."
I see the two of us exchanging looks. Its as if we're playing a game of Charades; each of us timid, yet desperately giving off signs in an effort to communicate with the other's heart. As we all know, this is not the easiest of games to play. Its hit n miss mostly. Some signs I throw your way, you miss completely; some signs you blatantly shoot back, blow over my head or leave me over analyzing a little too deep; thinking its one thing yet completely NOT. lol Its funny looking back.
Regardless of it all, we continue to play. Texting one another in the same room amongst complete strangers. In a room full of people but I swear its as though its just the two of us. Ideas and thoughts screaming toward our hearts, yet nothings being said. Sharp looks mailed across the room through an Emoji here or a :) face there. This just might be the most fun I've had all week.
Shortly after the brief introduction, our Charades lead to a glass of wine and some heartfelt convo. By this moment I see myself digging you with 2 shovels and a hard hat on! lmao I can tell you're feeling me too. With every breath you speak I'm more mesmerized than the breath before. With every smile that you display, I'm engulfed in its rich beauty. With every batting of the eyes...I'm in disbelief that you're sharing this moment with me; quick to pinch myself under the table in a last ditch effort to make sure this isn't some awesome dream that'll soon end with my Mom screaming my name saying, "Orlannnnnnnnnndo! Boy wake up...you're late for Chess Lessons!" pahahahaha
But, sure enough... everything you're putting down, I'm picking up. Every slick comment I cast away in an effort to rescue your heart from past heart ache is met by your loving embrace. Its by this moment that my neck is beginning to hurt from looking back so much in an effort to make sure there isn't a camera crew filming some sick prank just behind the bushes.
Can this be? That the most beautiful woman in Miami and perhaps the world is here with me? The elegance of a Queen and the ambition of Obama you are in a class of your own. Cream of the crop; apple of my eye; my my my...girl you are too damn fly! My mind nudges me and whispers to me, "pssssst... I think she's the one fool. Don't mess this up."
In all seriousness, I try to remain calm. Its as if I'm in the 4th Quarter up by a touchdown with 2 minutes left to win the game. I've got confidence that I've got this one in the bag, but Lord knows my palms are sweaty, my heart is heavy and I'm over thinking the simplest of things. So I doubt myself... so I ask myself...Is this the prayer that I'd asked for? Are you the woman that I've longed for? Why haven't I discovered the red flag in you? Why are you so perfect?
Just enough swag to be a rapper, just enough spice to be a Diva, enough beauty to make the clouds cry, and enough sweetness to make Starburst Fruit Chews sour.
My mind is over heating... the whispers have turned into a madhouse. Its chaos at its finest... Imagine a room fool of 3-5 year olds running loose at Toy's R Us! Pure mayhem! It yells at the top of its lungs, "Girl!!!...YOU ARE "Straight Gorgie! HE CAN'T HANDLE YOU!"
The most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on inside and out... only second to my Momma. Its no secret that God was on is Tripple-Double, Jordan in the 90's -Lebron in Game 6-Ray Allen & Mike Miller for 3-Game when he made you! And, he's once again solidified his place in the Lover's Hall Of Fame for bringing me to you and you to me.
Thank God for you. Thank God for me. Thank God for the future that will soon be.
My heart continues to beat. Continues to breath. Continues to believe. Lets give it another go!
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